September 3, 2010

Do you ever wonder…

Filed under: Food for Thought — Chantelle @ 3:24 pm

About your own sanity?

I do.

Am I paranoid? Maybe, or close to.

See, ever since that window got broken, I can’t sleep through the night.

At least not when I’m alone.

Even though we have an alarm system, I still wake up in terror every time I hear a noise.

I’m in a different place, which is much more secure.

It helps some to know that I have an alarm system. But when I’m by myself, it’s still not enough. I still wake up through the night listening to the creaks and groans of the house settling.

Is that sane?


June 29, 2010

Farewell, Dear Brain Cells

Filed under: Food for Thought,Life's Like That — Chantelle @ 12:02 pm

I heard once that your hair is made up of dead cells. My hair grows ridiculously fast (take into account that I again have almost an inch of roots showing and I just got my hair dyed exactly 1 month ago). Does this mean that my brain is dying at a ridiculously fast rate? Does this mean that it is regenerating new brainy goodness, or is it just lost forever into the abyss?

Sometimes I feel like my brain is slowly crumbling away. Everytime I have a hard day at work, I come home and it takes me just a few seconds longer to form sentences. When I do form those sentences, the words often come out all jumbled. (What do you mean, the open was freezer?) Stuff like that.

It isn’t as though I am incompetent. Sometimes I feel like I am though, especially at work. I am constantly trying to portray myself in the best light. I feel bad if my answer has to be “I don’t know, I’ll find out”. I mean, I should be able to remember simple things like, which ad corresponds to which magazine without looking it up, right? But I forget.

I am constantly shoving stuff in my brain. Every day I spend somewhere between 8-9.5 hours at work. Shove, shove, shove. Then, I’ll either go to night class and shove 3 hours more stuff into my brain, or relax and completely turn my brain off.

So with all this stuff shoved into my brain, shouldn’t some of it come out as being… um… coherent?

Here’s the thing. If I try to think things out first, I look like I’m mentally slow. People look at me like, aren’t you going to answer? But then when I finally do answer I can give a proper answer.

But in lieu of looking slow at work, I often try to answer while I’m thinking about it. This results in the dreaded stutter. That’s all there is to it. If I try to explain or answer something at work that I haven’t had time to think about ahead of time, I stutter.

Not like the “T-t-t-today junior!” stutter that has become so popular, but… more of a stumble I suppose. I’ll be talking and then all of a sudden my tongue will be this big thick thing, that is not moving the way it should. The word will be lost, and I’m stuck looking like I have no brain cells left, trying to say whatever word it is. I don’t understand this.

When I’m relaxing with my friends, I very rarely get like this.

When I am singing, I don’t get like this.

When I make a speech, I don’t get like this.

When I am performing, I don’t get like this.

Why do I get like this, when I am around superiors?

Last night marked the end of my Summer 2010 night class. I still have my online class, but with free Monday and Wednesday evenings, comes more free time, and possibly even more sleep. Could this be the answer?

After my final last night it felt like my brain had completely shut down. I couldn’t form a coherant thought let alone a coherant sentence. I must have burnt off at least a thousand brain cells as I wrote my 20ish pages to complete the exam. Farewell, dear brain cells.

June 3, 2010

The Irony of the Pedal-Bike

Filed under: Food for Thought — Chantelle @ 9:25 am

If it were up to me I would walk everywhere, and so would everything else.

Sure, everything would have to be squished together, but so what? We’re spreading out like an uncurable puddle of goo anyway; oozing out like a festering wound.

In today’s society thoguh, that isn’t realistic. I try to bike when I am in school. I bike to school and back (which is only 20 min each way – not bad). When the weather is bad, I take the bus.

Working however, brings a whole new set of challenges to this. I can’t ride my bike to school, right? After all, I’m a marketing representative – how would it look if I arrived at work all sweaty, and based on the weather we keep having, muddy? Not to mention that my job is all the way across the city – it takes me a half hour to drive to work every morning. What ungodly hour would I have to get at to be able to get to work at 8am if I biked?

On top of that, I’d probably get killed.

Over the course of one semester biking, I can’t count on one hand the number of close calls I had. It’s always the same story. Someone turning left, and looking only for a hole in traffic – not looking to see if anyone is crossing the road that way. Or someone turning right, planning to come to a quick, almost imaginary stop and keep going. There have been a couple times where I have been almost to the other side of the road, and a vehicle comes tearing up to the stopsign, stops right on top of the sidewalk (without looking to see if anyone is there of course) and then keeps going (still hasn’t seen me, he’s looking to see if there is anyone that is going to hit him if he turns, not to see if he just missed running someone over by a fraction of an inch).

Another problem is when people are leaving store parking lots. They forget that on sidewalks, people can be coming from both directions. So, they look to the left to see if any traffic is coming, and then zip onto the road before they accidentally cut someone off. Of course they didn’t notice the pedestrian about to cross that approach from their right.

Now, I know that I’m not supposed to be biking on the sidewalks. Quite frankly, though, it scares the shit out of me to bike on the road. I’m not in awful shape – I can keep a decent pace – for a biker. However, I can’t keep up with the 50km/hr speed limit that the vehicles have. And so, you have vehicles behind me honking because I’m going too slow, or I hug the very edge of the lane and they pass me – their mirrors getting again, within a few inches of hitting me.

And yet, I want to bike. I want to be able to say that I am actively doing my part to reduce the amount of carbon emissions that are entering the atmosphere on a daily basis. But if I were to bike to work, I would have to travel on some of the busiest, and least bike-friendly streets in the city.


As you know, I managed to hit a deer with my car last Monday. Today on my way into work, Dodge phoned me to tell me that my car is fixed. No longer do I have to wait for Gilles ot be ready for work so that I can drive his work to his shop, drop him off, and continue to my work (in desperate hopes that I will not be late). No longer will Gilles have to get dropped off in the company van at the front door of our apartment building after work. No longer will Gilles have to leave all of his tools in a company van in hopes that they won’t get stolen, so that he won’t forget to take them out of his car when I drop him off again. I will pick up my car after work, and no longer will I have the inconvenience of having to share a car.

But then we will have two vehicles on the road every day again, instead of two. Is this progressive, or destructive?

June 1, 2010

Paper Pushing

Filed under: Food for Thought — Chantelle @ 1:18 pm

When computers became mainstream, the idea of a paperless office was toted as being the way of the future. They said that computers would eliminate the need for paper files, and in turn, save the environment.

Today, many years after the advent of the personal computer, the amount of paper being shoved around by the average worker has been increased exponentially.

Some claim that this is due to the instability of computers, and the necessary need for a back-up paper files. Others state that this is due to the increased availability of information through the internet.

Whatever the reason, paper continues to be needlessly wasted.

The ideology of a paperless office still continues to this day, with Microsoft including tips on how to make that dream a reality on their website.

However, the amount of paper being used on a daily basis continues to increase, and to strain the earth’s resources.

It is easy to say that we are going to do something about it. Most of us talk the talk “Oh, yeah. Of course I recycle.” But how many of us walk the walk?

I can’t count the number of times I have crunched up boxes so that they would fit in my garbage, or thrown a stack of old school papers away. At work I am very careful to recycle, so why aren’t I at home?

I like to think that it is because there simply isn’t enough room in the apartment, and that as soon as we get a bigger place I will start to recycle paper at home more. As it is, I keep my bottled recycling in the trunk of my car, because there isn’t room for it anywhere in the house. But is this really an excuse?

I mean, if I really, really wanted to be making a difference, I could be filling a reusable grocery bag with paper and cardboard, and emptying it at the local bin. It isn’t as though it is very far away – 5 minutes walk there.

Maybe that is what I should be doing. Yes, that is what I will do. 

To improvement.

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