March 29, 2011

Something called …

Filed under: Learning,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 10:14 am

Something called. It is still calling me now. I can hardly believe it.

People hold onto your hats, because I am about to say something extraordinary.

After all the false starts I have had so far, between Curves and the YWCA, and all the other times I have tried to exercie in the past, I have the feeling. I am being called.

I am looking forward to, even craving exercise. WHAT?!

I never thought that this would happen. I never thought that going to the gym would feel like anything but pulling teeth.

Last night, I had a bad headache and the arthritis in my knees was flaring up. I easily could have said that I didn’t want to go, that I wanted to take the night off. But I didn’t. Because as much as it surprised me, I wanted to go. And by the time I was done, my headache was gone and my knees felt a bit better.

I am still going to stick to a Monday/Wednesday/Friday commitment for now, simply because of the time that it takes up. But I do want to go on Tuesday next week, to try out a beginners yoga class. I have never done yoga and want to try it.

This new desire to go to the gym, I think, is stemming from my friend Lisa. Gilles suggested that she start coming to the gym with us, and at first I was resistant but now I think it is a good thing. She has a devotion to the gym that is addictive. She exercises every single morning before work, and then again on the nights that I go. She is my inspiration right now.


What I’ve learned today:

Friday March 25th

– It is easy to let things slip between the cracks. The trick is noticing them, and picking them back up.

Saturday, March 26th

– While Gilles will eventually tell me everything, he sometimes needs time (to the tune of a couple months) before he does. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Sunday, March 27

– Whether I mean to or not, I have a tendency to manipulate those around me. For instance, Sunday we went to see Hall Pass. True, it is a movie that I was interested in seeing. But Gilles often goes to movies with other friends and leaves me behind. I think I may have pushed to see this one so quickly because, based on the connotations of the movie, I wanted to be the one to see it with him – I didn’t want him going to see it with a group of guys. I am not sure how I feel about this realization either.

Monday, March 28

– I like the gym. That will throw me for awhile.


March 24, 2011

What I Learned Today – March 23, 2011

Filed under: Learning,Questions,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 11:32 am

That it doesn’t make sense to do a ‘What I learned today’ post, in the middle of the day. I have decided to talk about what I learned yesterday each day instead. It just makes sense. After all, if you are posting first thing in the morning how much can you honestly have learned?

In other news, my weight is up. 189 this morning.

I don’t get it.

That is as heavy as I was before I started trying to lose weight for the wedding, in November.

Is it because I’m gaining muscled from going to the gym again? That is what makes sense, and that is what I am trying to tell myself, but at the same time… 10 lbs of muscle in two weeks? I don’t get it.

Maybe I’m retaining a lot of water. I do feel kinda bloated.

Or maybe, maybe I’m not eating as well as I thought I was.

I don’t know.

March 14, 2011

Bad Blogger

Filed under: Day-to-Day,The Wedding Files,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 11:26 am

I still haven’t remembered to put up the craft pictures. Bad blogger!

But, I do have some other things to talk to you about.

First of all, and foremost in my mind at the moment, look at this!

Crikey batman, I think the sun may have finally stopped being quite so shy of us. Could that actually be… melting temperatures? Catch me now.

Okay, but seriously. I wanna garden. 🙂

In other news, I am a huge success and an utter failure so far. Ain’t it dandy?

We’ll start with the depressing failure news.

I like food.

(I bet you thought it would be something a little less obvious, right?)

The problem is, I like food way too much. So much so that not only have I not lost any weight since my last update here, but I’m back up to 186 lbs.

Heavens to Betsy.


I’m not giving up yet. Gilles and I are getting a Saskatoon Leisure Pass after work today, and we are exercising. Like for real, not just a palsy walk. We are going to gym it. And I am going to stop carb-loading. That is my biggest problem – I love me some pasta. And I don’t know when to stop. Tummy hurts? Shift your weight so you can fit more lady, cuz that’s some good food right there!

I am back on the mostly veggies and only allowing myself healthy meats when I eat meat at all diet. I will still make Gilles seperate food, because he gets really mad when I starve him. (He does work a much more physical job than my computer typing after all). But there is a lot of broccoli and fish in my future.

I am finally giving myself the right tools to do it though. Gym? Check. Vegetables that don’t break the bank? Check. (We bought a Costco membership Sunday). Healthy cooking options? Check. (Dad gave us their old bbq Saturday, and I do own a steamer.)

I don’t wanna be a fat bride.

So what is the good news you say?

Well, I am now employed full-time, permanent.

Thank-you West Wind Aviation!

I am now officially a gradumicated working woman. Hurrah!

(Oh, and more news on the kitten sitch coming soon!)

February 1, 2011

In need of inspiration

Filed under: Weight loss — Chantelle @ 4:33 pm

I gorged last night. I won’t give you any details, all I can will say is that it wasn’t pretty. To make matters worse, I didn’t exercise yesterday either (unless you consider grocery shopping and bringing in groceries exercise!) I don’t even know why this is going on, I seem to be in this funk.

I think I need some inspiration.

So lets see. What does Google suggest? (I am a big believer in ‘Google know everything-ism’).

The first thing that came up is Canadian Living ‘6 tips on maintaining weight-loss motivation’. That sounds good, let’s see.

1. Remember your initial reasons for wanting to lose weight.

Yeah, I want to be a skinny little bitch for my wedding. I would love it. Skinny feels better than food tastes, right? But either way, my dress will fit. Whether I lose weight or not. I would love to lose more weight for that but I have come a long way already. Can’t I just say I am doing good, and quit?

2. Use physical reminders of your goal.

Well I think the mental picture of me overweight in a wedding dress is a pretty good physical reminder. But the thing is, in order to be as big as I am in my mind, I would have to gain a lot of weight between now and July. Really, I don’t have a lot to worry about.

I do like what some people I know have been doing though… blowing up a huge calendar to put on their wall, and marking your weight down on it day by day, and marking in a bright colour when you got your workouts done. That could help.

3. Keep in mind how far you’ve come.

I really have come a long way. I was over 200 lbs once. I’m nowhere near that now.  And going to the gym has certainly helped with the arthritis in my knees. With the amount that the weather has been bouncing around this winter, I would be nearly crippled if I was still at the same weight I was. Now, it’s rare for them to bother me.

4. Try the “shopping bag cure”

ie/ fill shopping bags with the amount of weight you’ve lost and carry it around.

I dunno. I get that the amount that I lost is heavy. But this is still dumb.

5. Get support

This one is kind of obvious. We have ‘Thin Thursdays’ where we eat salad at work, and we ‘weigh in’ with our co-workers once every two weeks. Thing is though, seeing what my co-workers can get away with eating and still lose weight is rather un-inspirational rather than inspirational. I mean honestly, potatoe skins? I would gain immediately.

I think it will help when Gilles is back – he wants to join the Y with me, so we will have this ‘I worked out. Did you work out?’ competition vibe going on. But for now? It’s mostly pats on the back that are too light to give me a shove.

6. The $10 cure

This is basically eating the greasy, unhealthy food you are craving and living with the consequences.

And let me tell you, this may be the biggest motivator. Because while all that greasy, awful food tasted great when I ate it, today I feel really sick, and I know that that’s why. My body can’t healthy greasy fast food when it is used to a 90% vegetable diet.

I’ll keep at it… and hopefully it will be a long time until I binge again. I thought a long time about forcing myself to throw up last night after I came to my senses from all that eating. But I decided not to go there. I don’t want to be that person.

If nothing else keeps me motivated, this will.

I have the same body type as her and know that I could look like her if I could just… focus. If nothing else, Alyssa Milano will be my inspiration.

January 27, 2011

Sometimes I wonder…

Filed under: The Wedding Files,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 11:31 am

… whether the torment is worth it.

I’ve noticed my weight loss in my face, definitely, and in my… mammories… Haha!

I haven’t noticed a significant change in my clothes however, and I haven’t lost many pounds.

Every day I eat either the white of a boiled egg or one package of oatmeal for breakfast. By 11AM by body is crying for food. That puts me between 50-150 calories for the morning. I try to keep my lunch small, 500 calories at the very most. Usually about 300. I’ll have an apple or an orange for a snack in the afternoon, and then go to Curves (or soon, the gym) for 30 minutes after work on week days. (I take the weekends off for exercising to give my muscles a chance to recuperate). Then I go home and have a small supper, limiting myself again so that I’m at no more than 1300 calories in a day.

I don’t get it. The weight should just be pouring off. Am I doing something wrong? Am I destined to stay this size forever? My primary goal is only 15 lbs away. There is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do that. I want to be no more that 165 lbs on my wedding day. My secondary goal, which would be amazing, is to reach 140 lbs. I probably won’t do it by then but I want to try. I’m tired of being self conscious about my weight. I was a lot bigger before I started dieting (the first time), true, but I have a long way to go still.

I will be the skinny girl, damnit.

January 26, 2011

Sick of Curves…

Filed under: Day-to-Day,Life's Like That,The Wedding Files,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 4:30 pm

My journey with Curves has officially lasted two weeks today. And guess what?

I am so sick of it.

I really don’t look forward to going there. It is boring and I don’t feel any different afterward.

I am leaving the office and going straight to Curves today of course, and tomorrow, and…

All I can think is Thank God I didn’t buy the full year membership and opted for a 1 month free trial instead.

My Curves “membership” ends February 12. February 12 I am going to start at the YWCA, and pay for a month there. Maybe that will keep my attention.

All I know is that I can think of 1 000 000 other ways to use my time, and if I wasn’t so damn set on losing weight, going to the gym would not even be on the first handful of pages. If I’m bored there to boot… Well. There goes my only grasp on motivation.

November 5, 2010

Overweight + Deadline = Hungry.

Filed under: The Wedding Files,Weight loss — Chantelle @ 3:50 pm

This week since I have gotten engaged has been very interesting.

First, Gilles didn’t want any of his family to find out until we go down to visit Remembrance Day weekend. Of course, being over-excited and not cluing in, I told my family and just told them not to tell his family about it yet. His mom found out from my second-cousin’s sister-in-law last night. (Like I could have predicted that one though!) Gilles was upset at first, but calmed down quickly. I think it helped that I was hosting a ‘dinner party’ last night. My brother and two cousins came over for roast beef, corn, mashed potatoes, and apple pie.

God. My stomach is churning just reading that.

One of the first things that struck me once I finally clued in that, ‘yes, we are engaged’ and ‘yes, we are getting married this summer’, was that I need to lose a lot of weight in a hurry. My running joke right now is that when most women are pregnant they gain approximately 30 lbs in 9 months – meanwhile I have 9 months to lose 30 lbs.

Thing is, even though I’ve been fighting to lose weight for a long time, I know that I can do it. This is no longer a vague goal amount set for a vague point in the future. It is quite simple, and wonderful. My goal is this. On my wedding day, I want to weigh 150 lbs. Unfortunately due to a couple innings with ribs, chinese food and pizza, I am back at 188.2 lbs currently, so I have a ways to go. However, when I put things into perspective it isn’t so daunting. I am starting at just under 190 lbs (actually I was at 190 lbs the day he asked, and have already been dieting for a week bringing me to 188.2 lbs.). However, a year ago I weighed 203 lbs. And I made it down to 175 lbs this summer despite some lax motivation. So I know I can do it.

I’m not into any of those fad diets. I’m not going to suddenly cut all carbs out of my diet, or eat only cabbage soup for a month. I want to do something that has a chance of lasting for 9 months, and maybe even past. (I say maybe, but what I mean is I really really want it to but realistically I know I’ll gain some back.)

So, I fall back to my old standby – calorie counting. The concept is simple. The average woman burns approximately 1900 calories in a day, just by doing day-to-day activities. (ie/ she would burn more if she went to the gym). Thus, if you burn more calories than you consume, your body is forced to metabolize fat for energy and thus you lose weight.

Therefore, I am restricting myself to a maximum of 1500 calories per day. What does that mean for my body?

Well I certainly won’t hurt myself. In fact, I’m eating much better than I had been as of late. I am drinking lots of water and drinking green tea to try to satiate my stomach, which still hasn’t quite grasped the concept that it won’t be recieving an entire spinach pizza for supper. My stomach will slowly shrink, (the liquids won’t keep it from shrinking as they will be quickly digested), and I will no longer feel as hungry. In fact, I will be eating what I should be eating.

So basically, my diet plan = be healthy.

Of course, there are some catches in this plan. The first catch is that we have a box of Halloween candy sitting in the front entrance still that is begging for my attention. This results in a couple snacks a day. Of course, I am marking these snacks down and accounting for them now, unlike when I wasn’t very motivated. But when you snack on high-calorie foods, it means you can eat less later in the day. (What’s that? A bite-size kit kat bar has the same number of calories as an entire can of chicken noodle soup? But it looks so tasty…)

There are also some times that you really can’t get around eating the not-so-healthy foods. For instance, I had been promising my brother a roast with mashed potatoes and gravy for months, so I couldn’t exactly swap out the meal plan for fish and roasted peppers. And I couldn’t exactly eat something different than my guests. So… (Oh, hi sixty calorie can of soup!) I skipped breakfast, had exactly one can of soup for lunch (with two cans of water added to make it actually sort of fill me up), and ate nothing else until supper.

Fortunately I can finally go grocery shopping tonight, which will result in a very full vegetable drawer. (Vegetables are mostly water – the calories come from the natural sugar – very healthy, and you can eat almost as much as you want of them.)

Unfortunately, I still haven’t found time in my life to get much exercise. When I get home I am making supper, cleaning, and working on homework. If I have any free time, typically I want to spend it with Gilles or out with friends. I do have a few work-out videos as well as a Wii Fit however. So, my thought is that if I can get in even 30 minutes of uninteruppted exercise per day in my own living room, I will be fine. As of 10PM on December 7 I will be done school, thus possibly giving me enough time to warrant getting a gym membership again.

I can do this. I just have to believe I can. And friends? I am going to need your help.

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